Rage of the Mongols
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The injury is real fans.
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Sound Bites
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SB 1
Lets Kick Butt
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Let the Little Guy
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Fame will do that
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See the Other guy


Guest Stars 
Keith Cooke Hirabayashi [ Kobak ], Paul Jerricho [ Bryndyth ], Zoe Waites [ Helene ], Erica Jennings [ Elisabeth ], Jack Bareikis [ Geoffrey ], Martyn Rimeikis [ Humbert ], Violeta Podolskaite [ Marta ], Uzdavinys Sakalas [ Romac ], Robert Aleksaitis [ Heinwald ] 
Aired: 13 Jan 97 Episode:05 Written by: Lee Watters Director: Dimitri Logothetis 
 
Laydee Laura's Misguided Tour
RAGE OF THE MONGOLS 
(or: Bad Guys Wear Roadkill)


This episode features a cast of badly dubbed extras wearing old fishnets and dead animals. And to make those blond, blue eyed extras look more authentic they were dipped in Ben Nye pancake makeup in Chinese and Sunburn #2 for that extra evil, swarthy, filthy look.
LOUNGE LIZARD:
Matthew is lounging. Is it because he was thrown from his horse in the very first scene? Was that where he sprained his ankle? And what exactly is he lounging on? His horse?

FRIAR ROGERS:
Hi kids! The word for today is Cartographer. Can you say that? I knew that you could!

HAIR TODAY:
Robin’s StuntGuy’s hair is too short, Marion’s StuntGuy’s hair is too flat, and everyone else is wearing really bad extensions. Here’s my advice to the hairdresser: if it looks like straw, don’t use it.

CLOTHES TO YOU:
While riding off to rescue the kidnapped daughter from the Mongols, Robin loses his red cape. Actually it was never lost; Matthew got off the horse still wearing it and the StuntGuy gets on the horse and rides away with no cape to maintain continuity. All it takes to turn Little John into a Mongol is putting on a pile of fur and fishnets. I didn't know it was him in that disguise, really. When Robins SG flips over the spear you get a flash of white underwear. Please tell me why its so dangerous to attach a whip handle to a horses saddle and to send him on his way that Marion's SG had to do it? Exactly how far away is Mongolia from England? I donut seem to remember them being so close. Kobac makes it sound like they're neighboring countries. Couldn't he have plundered India instead? Its so much closer. The first thing I would do when threatened by a marauding horde of Mongols bent on starving my village and no one wants to help fight them is gossip with my girlfriends on how cute Robin Hood and Little John are. Is Friar Tuck the educational portion of the show? First the lecture on the cartographers occupation, and then the lecture on the uses of basil. Now we know why Marion and Robin will never get together: because Tuck never gets around to sex education. In all his closeups in this episode, doesn't Matthew look like Skeet Ulrich? (The Craft, The Newton Boys.)

HELENE & MARION:
Those swords are way too long to fight properly in such close quarters. They should have used a bigger barn for this scene.

STOCK WITH WHAT YOU KNOW:
Hey, its only the first episode and already they're using stock riding footage? And why does Matthew ride with one hand on his hip? Tip: if you want to keep from being thrown, use both hands, genius! They must have been short on money for props. That's not a throwing star, its a blade from a table saw. Kobac’s “practice sessions” are just excuses to exercise the stuntguys not doubling for the leads.

AND MY FAVORITE SCENE IN THIS EPISODE IS:
The lovely Mongolian living room suite that Kobac won on Attilla the Hun’s Wheel of Misfortune gameshow. Robin has the audacity to put his feet on the table. Where does he think he is, in the woods or someth,.... Oh, yeah.Throwing the sword and mounting the horse off the hilt is a very nice stunt. But the sword flies an awfully long distance, which, of course, Robin covers in just a few running strides. Then his horse appears out of nowhere. It wasn’t standing there when the sword landed. The locket that Brandis wears is so big he could have fit his wife’s entire wig inside.

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH:
I really don’t like the “Wet Dog” speech of Little John’s. The writers really went out of the way to make Richard sound dumb in the first episode. I think he has all the dumbest lines in this ep. Robin and Geoffrey just laid the trap. You wanna tell me that Geoffrey doesn’t remember where he put the rope? Okay, if you say so!

CLICHE ALERT:
“Women, can’t live with them, can’t live without them.” They had to clear this issue up in the first episode so there wouldn’t be any confusion later on. No telling how many fans would have worried about that one if they hadn’t mentioned it.

GOIN’ TO THE CHAPEL:
Little John mentions a chapel in the camp. I’ve never seen one, have you? When he gives a tour of camp in another episode there is no chapel. I thought that if they did have services it was done in the communal eating area or in Tuck’s tent. Remember, there are no permanent structures in camp (wink, wink.)

WIN THIS ONE FOR THE GIPPER!:
The obligatory night-before-the-fight-pep-talk is exceptionally weak here, but then again this is only the first episode. Why does everyone rush all at once to get to safety? Not only have they been expecting the attack since the night before, but the Mongols are riding in slow motion and it will take them a while to get to the gate.The prayer before the fight is very good, heightens some of the tension. Unfortunately that tension is broken when the best-dumb-line-of-the-episode is uttered. “Let’s go kick some butt!” When the Mongols approach the gate it looks like they’re riding on a paved road. What happened to Robin’s sword? He’s fighting with his bow. I thought he had a sword at some earlier point in the episode. It was the one that attached to his belt in the back. He was carrying it and handed it to Helene for her fight with Marion. Robin and Little John stop to watch Geoffrey fight for his girl, then encourage him to sweep her off her feet, while a battle rages around them? C’mon!

BRIEF APPEARANCE: 
Matthew’s shirt in this ep was too short and you get a glimpse of his white underwear. I think they’re boxers. At least we know he’s one man who knows how to do his laundry.

PREPARE FOR THE FIGHT SCENE:
Matthew’s expressions are faintly cartoony; Kobac’s yelling sounds like he’s in a Kung-Fu movie; the flip over Kobac’s head was achieved by a SG with wires. The Bruise appears, and that had to be a real one. It’s the only time Robin Hood appears bruised. He gets lots of cuts in the series, mainly on his biceps, but this is the only time he’s ever bruised (that’s visible to us.)

KEEP THAT UP AND YOU’LL GO BLIND:
What was in that cup that blinded Kobac? It looked like straw chaff, but how would that blind him so badly that his vision wavers (when he can see after breaking the cup, his point of view goes in and out of focus as Robin approaches.

SPICE GIRL:
Tuck recieves a bunch of herbs known as Mrs. Schillings Secret Recipe. Isn’t Schillings a spice company, like McCormick’s?

PUNCH LINE:
Little John trips a booby trap as the Outlaws return to the road, playing the last punchline of the episode.

FINAL SCORE:
A very enjoyable episode, if a tad over-campy. Doesn’t matter; it’s not too campy until one of the men dresses as a woman.


 
 
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